Thursday, November 09, 2006

The Day After

A U.S Senator is walking down the street and is tragically struck by an ambulance and ends up at St. Peter's gate. St. Peter warmly greets him and says, "I see you were a politician on earth. Well, we have a special procedure for you. You have to make a choice about where you will spend eternity," said St. Peter, "You will spend one day in hell and one day in heaven, after which you will choose." The Senator said, "I don't need to go to hell; I already know I want to spend eternity in heaven." "I'm sorry," St. Peter replied, "but those are the rules."
So Peter escorts the man to an elevator that takes him down to hell. When the door opens the man is greeted by the fresh smell of green grass, the warm sun, and a cool breeze flowing from a beautiful, blue lake. The birds are chirping and the flowers are in bloom. Stepping out of the elevator he discovers that he is actually on a beautiful golf course and he sees some of his fellow politicians, old friends, standing on a nearby green and waving him to them. When he gets to them he discovers a golf cart with his name marked on the side and a beautiful, new set of golf clubs with a cold beer waiting in the drink tray.
After a round of golf, they retire to the clubhouse where they are surrounded by beautiful waitresses, drink fine wine, feast on prime rib and lobster, and enjoy old memories of the way they got rich at the expense of the tax payer. The devil even stops by to fill up their glasses and tell a few jokes. The Senator finds the devil quite charming and not at all as he had heard him described on earth. At the end of the day, the politician does not want to leave, but rules are rules.
The next day he spends in heaven. He moved along from cloud to cloud enjoying the majestic sunrise. It, too, is beautiful and serene, but it doesn't seem as exciting or familiar as his day in hell.
At the end of the second day, St. Peter asks the politician, "Well, have you made your choice?" The Senator responds, "Yes, and while heaven is a wonderful and magnificent place, I believe that I would be more at home in hell."
So he sent once more to the elevator, which he boards for his descent to his eternal home. When the elevator reaches its destination and the door opens, the Senator finds a much different scene than he encountered the day before. Fire and brimstone are exploding all around, the putrid smell of thick sulfur burns his nose, and his friends are dressed in rags, sweating blood, and shoveling mounds of rat manuer into the furnace. The devil comes and puts his arm around the Senator and gives him a short handled shovel with which to dig for eternity. The Senator is shocked and says, "I don't understand. Yesterday this place was a virtual paradise." "Well," said the devil with an broad grin, "yesterday we were campaining, today you voted."

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